From Flansburgh's Queve to yours:

From FLANSBURGH'S queve to yours: the week of August 30th-September 4th

I have to be to work in a half an hour and although I have many interesting HBBWM blogs I'd like to post, they're still in the final stages of being revamped...so inspired by a discussion with Sancho Paige this morning and then seeing my fat 23 pound cat, Flansburgh (i.e. Burgler, Burg, Flans, Asshole) strutting around, I have created a list...well, Flansburgh has created his list of movies you should place on your queve.

(and I promise you, to return to more serious topics in the near future, such as "We Look to you, Matt Damon" and "Why we Women fall for the guy in the wheelchair.")

1.) Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (Voice: Michael J. Fox, 1993)  Sally Field as Sassy the cat gets Flansburg hot and bothered!

2.)  National Velvet (Elizabeth Taylor, 1944) Flansburgh enjoys the classics just as anyone else does.

3.) An American Tail (Don Bluth, 1986)  Flansburgh particularly enjoys the giant Cat balloon that scares half of the mice to death. There will be no cats in America? Flansburgh thinks not, bitches!

4.) The AristoCats (Disney, 1970)  Flansburgh becomes spellbound by singing of cats in extremely high octaves.

5.) Jaws (Roy Schinder, 1975. Dir: Steven Spielberg) Because when Flansy dreams, he dreams of being a 2 ton shark.

On the Lookout: Movies You Should be Excited For.

Another weekly list I'd like to keep up with: Having to do with current movies coming out that you should consider spending your 12.00 and change on instead of Final Destination 17 or Glee 3D....ugh. Culture yourself people or we shall be doomed to forever to sit in the cesspool of Hollywood muck!

For the week of August 23rd-

We Were Here (2011)  A reflective and insightful look at the arrival and impact of AIDS epidemic in the San Francisco community. It's chilling just to watch the trailer and see the struggles of these everyday people fight the odds of this terrible disease.

The Rum Diary (2011) Johnny Depp returns to the realm of Hunter S. Thompson, where I believe he delivers his best and finest performances. The trailer has me pumped and excited by this latest adaptation.

Griff the Invisible (2011) This one was a random, but lucky find during my daily hunts on IMDB. Ryan Kwanten of True Blood fame stars as a office worker by day, superhero by night who meets a scientist who believes in the impossible. Kwanten is amazing, yes I said it, amazing on True Blood playing a dumb hick with a golden heart, and returns to his Australian roots in what seems like an awesome romantic comedy.

We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011) If anything, you must see a Tilda Swinton performance before you perish from this Earth, and if that sounds a little melodramatic, than so be it. She is one of the BEST actresses of our generation and is truly underrated.  She plays a mother of a teenage boy who goes on a killing spree and her reflections and dealings with the crime.

Try as I may, I just don't like you, Anne Hathaway...

Hey, that rhymed!

But it's the truth, try as I may

I just don't like Anne Hathaway....

Maybe it's because she started out as this....

Yes you were princess,
frizzy and cute
But you're comic timing and the fact that you got to work with Julie Andrews
made me want to puke.
You were Enchanting as Ella as you sang and danced,
but really watching you, made me want to poop my pants.
In Brokeback Mountain, you cried over your gay husband
Oh, woe for you.
Your face looks like my Daddy's 13 inch shoe.
I tried to like you, really I did,
But I watched those children as they hid
from your witch like cackle on
the Oscars, damn what a debacle.
Even James Franco decided to get high.
Don't you know when it's time to say goodbye?
Become a zookeeper or a nurse.
Drive a freakin hearse.
Buy a condo in Rhode Island and
get really fat on Easy Cheese
I'm sorry I don't mean to be mean.
But really, you get to be Catwoman now too?
I'd punch myself in the face if I were you.
You're too pretty enough, you need to get busted.
What the hell were you thinking, to work with Kate Hudson?
Ok, I confess, maybe I'm a tad bit jealous and may have cross the line.
You have nice teeth, and I'm sure are very kind...
But seriously, that part in One Day had my name all over it
and your English accent really bit...
and your not worthy to touch Jim Sturgess' lips!
Don't you know he can really sing and dance
while you go and make another tired Jane Austen romance?
Geesh, if I were only you...
I'd find my Daddy's shoe and beat myself until I was black and blue.
For, try as I may, I really don't like you....


(Ok, I do like Becoming Jane, only because it's a great movie to put on while cleaning the house...and really, I'm sure she's very nice. I wouldn't hit her with a shoe.)

From my Queve to yours: 5 movies that should be in your Netflix Queve

For this week of August 15-19th...

Although I have just gotten really pumped about this...

We'll have to wait for Machine Gun Preacher to actually come out in theatres.
But for now: In light of the summer coming to a close here are 5 summer-ish movies you should check out, and if you have already...watch them again, damn it.

1.) The Rocketeer (Billy Campbell. Dir: Joe Johnston, 1991) Before Joe Johnston made this, he made a little Disney film called The Rocketeer, and although it had a most excellent story, beautiful score, charming characters (Jennifer Connelly in her cute baby fat stage, post Labyrinth) and amazing inspiration from Comic Book creator,  Dave Stevens, it wasn't so hot at the box office. Well, it's time to relive the magic, folks. Get the kids and hunker down to watch a very cool, very fun movie. And if The Rocketeer doesn't remind you of Captain America, then you're not watching close enough.

2.) The Count of Monte Cristo (Guy Pierce. Dir: Kevin Reynolds, 2002) If you must, read the book before seeing the movie, or even see the 1934 version staring Robert Donat, but for some good action, adventure, romance, and wit, this will truly please you. Reynolds is known for directing Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and pretty much takes the techniques he used successful for Robin Hood in Monte Cristo, except this time the acting is hard core awesomeness, guided by Jim Caviezel...before he became Jesus and then disappeared off the Hollywood radar.

3.) Ghostbusters  (Bill Murary. Dir: Ivan Reikman, 1984)  1984! Damn, what a classic and I know you've seen it already but it's such a delight popping it back into your DVD player or dare I say it, VCR. I was puzzled to why my man, Sancho Paige gave me this movie on my birthday a while back. Come to find out it was a secret love I didn't know I had.  I quote Ghostbusters on weekly basis!
"Human sacrifice...cats and dogs living together...mass hysteria!"
" Ray, when someone asks you if you are a God, you say YES!"
"Are you the gatekeeper?" "Yes, actually he's a friend of mine, he asked me to meet you here."
"Mother pus bucket!"
I could keep going...

4.)  The Majestic (Jim Carrey. Dir: Frank Darabont 2001) Before Zombies from The Walking Dead, Darabont had a vision and turned many Stephen King stories into gems including the beautiful The Shawshank Redemption, bittersweet The Green Mile, and The Mist. (because even though the movie is iffy, then ending is pure balls to the wall). He also directed The Majestic, a little sidelines ode to It's A Wonderful Life and the golden age of the silver screen. It was also probably Jim Carrey's finest (and last) piece of work, in my opinion. Even if you don't like Carrey, the movie is definitely worth a viewing.

5.) The Stand (Gary Sinise. Dir: Mick Harris. 1994) Every summer I attempt to read a Stephen King novel. Two years ago it was a revisit to Bag of Bones. Last year it was Salem's Lot. (awesome!) and this year, just perfect with my latest blog about the evolution of horror films, I am reading the mammoth opus known as The Stand, written at the height of King's reign over the literary world. Now, because it's so dated and I've seen the miniseries, I didn't think that I would be scared to read the book. But man, when you're at the beach reading about some killer flu and someone near you sneezes...it really plays some tricks with you.  Also, for those in my generation, you may remember those summers when Stephen King miniseries were a common, if not anticipated television events. It, The Tommyknockers, The Shinning and The Stand were all made in the 90's. The Stand sticking out as far as I'm concerned as the best of the bunch with it's all star cast. Lieutenant Dan and Molly Ringwald (yes!), Ozzie Davis and Rob Lowe being all sexy as a deaf mute. Even King himself had a role. Four parts over the course of four weeks and each segment more satisfying than the last. Sure, it's dated, and sure it's cheesy. (The Devil has a mullet...) but it was a well laid out story and paved the way for many of the silly "virus" films springing up today. If you've got about eight hours to spare, you've got yourself a great time.

I'm going to scare the s%4! out of you!: The Evolution of Modern Horror Movies

Good afternoon, audience of 1+1...I'm here today to scare the s%@t out of you, but not with ghosts, Freddy Kruger or demonic leprechauns....no no no, the big thing these days is Contamination.....but first let me explain...

I am fascinated with the evolution of the horror movie within modern day culture, particularly American culture. I even wrote a paper for it in my Politics in the Media class I took at University of North Carolina, (the very best class I have ever taken in my life) entitled "Bon Vomitif: Exploring torture in contemporary horror films and television as social-political entertainment."  Sounds pretty kick ass huh? It definitely needs polishing but it did ignite a sort of obsession for me involving horror movies and our response to them as a society. 
 Sexual frustration, the breakdown of the nuclear family model and fear of feminism inspired slasher films of the late 70s such as Halloween (1978) in which a young Michael Myers brutally murders his sister, and then later on goes on a rampant killing spree of pretty teenage girls.   Way before Twilight-obsessed teeny-boppers made it cool, the vampire figure remerged in the mid 1980s as a phenomenon many critics have associated with the age of AIDS, reckless sex and drug use. The Hunger (1983) stared glam-rocker David Bowie and French model Catherine Deneuve as sex-crazed, power-hungry vampires who are locked in an erotic bisexual triangle with young, doe-eyed Susan Sarandon, who is quickly infected with the vampires “disease” and now must come to terms with her incurable disease, and being ostracized from society.  The 1990s marked the Hollywood debut of gory, Italian-style detective drama-American-giallo and revitalized sexual violence in the workplace, an example being Silence of the Lambs (1991) and later, American Psycho (2000).   American Psycho rang in the new millennium and a new attitude towards contemporary cinema. Sure, there are other examples, but American Psycho, staring a young, sophisticated devilishly handsome Christian Bale made murder and acts of early forms of "torture porn" look, dare I say it, cool.  He has sex with beautiful women, smiling to himself in the mirror all the while listening to Phil Collins hits and then succeeds to kill them. He even chases one with a chainsaw, and he's so badass, he's naked while doing so. Although American Psycho is not truly deemed as a "horror" movie, it became one of the first to water down the horror genre.  Sure, it's scary to think, you have sex with a young handsome man, and he might just kill you, but the guilty fun in watching American Psycho is seeing these dumb girls falling for Bateman's charms and you get to sit and watch...perhaps even squeal in guilt ridden delight.  We delight in the torture of others on the silver screen, cause it's "safe". It's that deep dark place we like to travel to and in the end we're all just as voyeuristic as that guy who was recently caught for placing video cameras in department stores. Sure, he should have been punished, but I'm sure there's one or two of you thinking you'd like to see the tapes.

In our post 9/11 world, and this new generation of Z (as in Zombies!, that's for you Jini!), nothing scares us anymore. We crave horror movies only for the pure entertainment of seeing torture done onto others. Rebel and protest against it. Shake your head at me if you must. But look at your local movie theatre's marquee.  Final Destination 5? Fright Night? (Screw you Edward, Colin Farrel is going to rip your head off!) Even Conan the Barbarian to some extent (the tagline is Conan seeks revenge for the slaughter of his village).
The point is nothing scare us anymore.  Possessions of the devil? He doesn't exist and if he does he's been mass-marketed to the point of a punchline.  (And seriously, Keyser Soze was the last to make him cool)  Michael Myer? We experienced the modern bogeyman when the twin towers went down and our bloodlust as a society began.  He's got nothing on me and he runs slow. I've got roller skates...Michael Myers is my bitch.
Um..back to the point...  This particular generation is immune to any of the simple frights and delights that you or I may have grown up with.  Speak of The Exorcist to your parents and they may chuckle with a small axietiy. Let a ten year old watch it and they'll laugh maybe cheer for the torture of young Linda Blair. "She deserved it!" They might say. Amyiville Horror?  Damn, all my friends want to live in a haunted house.


We now crave the satisfaction of watching the torture of others, cause we can't and won't, out of extreme moral decency do it realistically on our own (and we never should.) So we have movies like Saw and Hostel and any of those recent "torture porn" titles that we carelessly continue to support with our ten dollars and change. (and don't forget the junior mints and large popcorn!) to feed this desire to be the badass. To fight fear with violence, because after 9/11 who didn't want to go kick something? To some degree the carnal thrill is seeked, not the fright.

So, where does that leave us.  How about Zombies?  And where did they stem off from? In most cases-Viruses.  We Americans love a good bloody mess, but we're also intense germaphobes...so you better pump some more antibacterial goo on your hands and get your flu shot from the local Walgreens cause nothing gives a good scare like a nice little virus to really inject some fear into you and that's where Hollywood is turning their heads towards for the new batch of horror movies.

 

We have The Walking Dead, a very successful and quite awesome show on AMC (AMC! Of all places!), and coming in September is this little jewel, (click above) Contagion, ("a hush, no it isn't! remake of Outbreak",) starting Matt Damon ( in Damon, we trust!) about an outbreak of a deadly virus, directed by Steven Sodenburgh. There is even talk of a remake of Stephen King's The Stand for the silver screen in the next year or so. (Yes, I said remake...they did a miniseries back in 1994 and it was awesome.) Even a "virus" had something to do with a crucial plot line of Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

Viruses are the new boogeymen in modern American cinema. Movie makers can no longer put a face to what tortures because we as a audience can relate. But give little Dakota Famming a virus and, oh shit, we're scared. Well, maybe just a little.... maybe she deserves it.

From My Quere to yours

Will try to make this a weekly thing:
I am by no means a film historian nor try to pose as one. I like trash just as much as I like the classics so if those which I name seem a little off the mark for you, then I'm sorry in advance.  Films, above all, are about enjoyment to the senses and no everyone agrees on what are the best and what are the worse.
One man's Citizen Kane is another's Transformers: Dark of the Moon. (ugh...i cringe)
I do like to share my current faves though...and education is what you seek, then read on.

So, this week's "Five Films that should be on your Netflix Queve" because I said so, and that's why... :)

1. A Single Man  (Colin Firth, Dir: Tom Ford. 2010) Pay close attention to the cinematography and shifts of color. Beautiful acting by Firth.

2.) Some Kind of Wonderful (Eric Stoltz, Dr: John Hughes. 1987)  The "middle child" of Hughes film canon. Just as good, if not better than Pretty in Pink and Breakfast Club. 

3.)  Bubba Ho-Tep (Bruce Campbell, Dr:  Don Coscarelli, 2002)  Bruce is Elvis and is getting attacked by zombies. Fantastic tongue in cheek cult classic

4.) Legend of the Fall (Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins, Dr: Edward Zwick. 1994) Such a good movie. Pitt in his prime. Beautiful story . Excellent mature date flick.

5.) Barney's Version (Paul Giamatti, Dr: Richard J. Lewis. 2010) Giamatti was the underdog winner at the Golden Globes for Best Actor for this film. I wasn't surprised...why? Because he's amazing, that's why. And the film, although a bit of a emotional drainer, is very good too.

When life gives you lemons: The Career of Noah Wyle

On my last night in Greensboro, NC, I couldn't quite get to sleep even though it was 11pm and I had planned to wake for 4:30am to head out on the road..yikes. So, I turned on the tube and found a Falling Skies marathon on TNT (the self proclaiming "We know Drama" network...yes indeed, I certainty do believe Charmed is all about the drama) and was pleasantly surprised to see a bearded, semi-bulked up Noah Wyle leading a group of ragtag survivors after a alien attack.
Is Noah Wyle, the poor man's Keanu Reeves?

 Brothers from anotha motha?

Perhaps.
I remember young Wyle as the fresh faced ass-kissing nervous nelly, Dr. John Carter on NBC's ER who spent most of his time nipping at the heels of angry -as- a- hemorrhoid, Dr. Peter Benton. (Hartford resident, Eriq La Salle) and lusting after any available pretty thing until the sixth season where they decided let poor Dr. Carter get stabbed in the back by a schizophrenic and develop a narcotics habit. Bitter and full of survivors guilt Wyle was finally allowed to grow a beard and man up.   He eventually ends up in Africa. Yeah, Wyle, you bad ass. I never thought much of Wyle, besides the fact that he was cute, and like most of the actors from ER I pitied their existence after the show's cancellation.  And most did scatter to the winds of syndication and Lifetime mini-series.  Wyle too seemed to fade into the nether-regions of crappy straight to video products or "Blink and you miss him" cameos in Donnie Darko and White Oleander  And then he surfaced on the radar under the guiding wings of TNT networks in a successful Indiana Jones knockoff: The Librarian which due to Wyle not only proving he still act, he could also be witty, charming, goofy and heroic.

Reading is Sexy.

The movie was successful and spawned two just as awesome sequels (with talks of a theatrical work in the makings) Wyle was back, not exactly as Sunset Blvd. billboard material, but really who wants that?  When the Hollywood life gave Wyle lemons, he made his own delicious lemonade. Falling Skies isn't Peabody award winning programming by any standards, but it's fun, has a great story-arc and the writing isn't that bad either. (just don't count of the special effects to blow your mind...this is TNT we're talking about)  And there's Wyle in the middle of it all, with his shit-kicker grin and youthful twinkle as if saying, I'm still here, suckers.

Let's hear it for the Underdogs!

Bob Peak and the decline of cinema, pt. 2

Some little girls collect barbie dolls...others collect lipstick...and others may have collected those stupid trolls figurines

Hufflepuff!


I collected movie posters. Every week I would go down to the local video store (my mom would drive me, cause I was cool like that) and I would raid their posters like Templeton the rat in the fairgrounds ("after the crowds go home!"...you're singing it, come on). I would sort through hundreds of duck taped cardboard tubes, torn or water stained prints and stock cards to find anything I liked, particulary those movies I enjoyed at the time. And due to a unhealthy crush on Jim Carrey and Kevin Costner, most of the poster hunting was dedicated to finding their faces. Then I came across this:

And I was like...Holy shit...that's soo cool. Beautifully hand painted, the credits reduced to a periwinkle 18 font on the bottom. The single image of a light saber being the sole focal point and that's all it needed. The observer was given just a taste and excitement in seeing that movie grew like hunger from within. 
And my quest for movie poster art began. (Though Kevin lives on in my memory) I love the creativity and design that goes on behind capturing an audience's attention from the get go.  Over the years I aquired a eye for vintage posters which are become rarer by the day, due to the importance not being the actual "picture" but the "star power" that is in it.
What was once this:

 and this:

has now mutated into this:

 and this:

Aghg! I feel my dinner wishing to rise up and out through my mouth! Do another comparison! Go on. We have blah blah photo shopped pretty young things and a dwarf,  a ginger and that annoying assburger, Billy Bob. ( I can't pick on Bernie, he's no longer with us.)  How boring. How sad. Not even a spark of creativity, of magic.  Now look at the other posters: Apocalypse Now and Back to the Future. Don't you just crave to have one hanging on your living room wall? Both were hand drawn and/or painted, respectfully by Bob Peak  and Drew Struzan.
Excuse me, who?
Ah, my point is reached. How can a film poster artist be successful if no one even pays attention to their work?  Does anyone stop and consider who the artist behind the piece could be? What work goes into just one poster? One image to sum up the movie as a whole as well as intrigue the human psyche?
Not today, forget it.  No one is interested. I don't see any little fourteen year old girl going up to a Harry Potter poster and scrolling down the credits to see who did the artwork (you won't find any, it was photo shopped too)
Film poster art is a dying breed, yet there are still some artists trying to keep the artistic value alive.
Check out Mondo!   Here you will find a gaggle of some of the coolest movie posters being created today from artists like Olly Moss and Ken Taylor.  And the coolest thing is that they use current movies...that's right...recent Hollywood mouth vomit and make them look as if they are actual amazing movies...
Exhibit A(sinine):

 Exhibit Mondo!

Mondo: No cheesy blurb from some hack film critic from the Christian Science Monitor. No star power recognition. No "Saw" like torture-porn imagery to tempt the muddled brained video game playing eighteen year old.   The Mondo print is strong and confident in it's choice of imagery and immediately draws the eye. "Ooh..what's that all about?"  It's a tip of the hat to the good old days when I first glanced at the Return of the Jedi poster.
And yeah, the movie could be shit (which it kinda was...sorry. Just read the original Swedish novel it and it's older sister film was based on)  but at least your imagination was pleasantly tickled at the beginning. (Like on a blind date, only to find out it's your old gym teacher...yikes)
Ooh, let's do another one!

Exhibit B(orning):

 Exhibit Mondo:

Which one you want to see? One one where Jake Gylenhaall is about to get a hundred paper cuts, or hit by some random tire. (Look out Jake! Every second counts!) or the poster that could be a  take on a Hitchcockian thriller? At least Olly Moss, the Mondo artist, thought outside the box.
How about this one!

 And this one!

 And this one!

Ooohh... Ok, getting way too excited.

If you want to see what the true masters are all about, you should check out Bob Peak, the Godfather of the modern day movie poster. He was a genius.  Also Saul Bass, a famous (deceased) graphic designer has many iconic film posters in his portfolio.
Heck if you type in "vintage movie posters" at google, a whole slew of the most deliciously designed posters pop right up and you can spend hours looking through link after link. It's quite a beautiful thing. Oh, and if you get truly hooked and have your credit card ready, go here: At the movies
It's a shame more artists today aren't trying to acheve the greatness of those from the past, especially in the world of cinema, where like much of modern culture, is at a static creative standstill.
But hey, there's always that fabulous remake of Straw Dogs to look forward to...ugh.

And that's all for today's lecture.....

This is for the ladies....Holy Hufflepuff!

Who knew that he.....


Would grow up to look like this.....

Holla! WINNER! Kudos to good producers actually sticking to the actors who originated their roles and not giving up on them!

And yes, that's all you're getting from me today. (Because it's late, and I'm tired, and still in Greensboro, and just did a most AMAZING twelve hour improv workshop with some of the most wonderful people but I really want to be consistent with this blog)

And besides, it's more than either of us deserve.

Hottie Hobbits and the decline of cinema, pt. 1.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Please open your books to page 32: Terrible remakes of Good Movies

Why oh why...do we need remakes of awesome movies?
Seriously...are we that starved for the original thought? That lazy for the creative integrity?  Why can't we create instead of replicate? AND WHY DOES MY FAT CAT EAT HIS OWN HAIR?
These questions, upon many more are what I fixate on daily, besides relentlessly teasing my students and daydreaming about meeting Paul Giamatti randomly at a pizza joint in downtown New Haven.
"Oh, Mr. Giamatti, you come here too? Often? Well, no I just  happen to be wearing this roller derby jersey with my derby name, Paula G. Imnaughty, on it.. Um, can I sit with you. Oh, yes I like black olives too. My, you're short."

It would go something like that....

Anyhoo, about the remakes.
 I was recently appalled to see a trailer for the remake of Sam Peckinpah's classic Straw Dogs, with James "Cyclops" Marsden in the Dustin Hoffman role. Now, if you really want to know the mind of a bipolar...on a good day my favorite movie is still Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. On a bad day.. I pop in the sinfully delicious tale, Straw Dogs and sink into my couch, with a dark satisfaction. You don't do date nights with Straw Dogs, unless your a film geek at NYU and your date is also a film geek and knows of Peckinpah creative license.  It's not for the lighthearted or your average Twilight fan..

It's hardcore and, yes, I feel hardcore when I watch it, and yes, I feel hardcore gazing at my Straw Dogs movie poster hanging in my woman cave. Sancho Paige does not agree.  But I love the darkness and psychological complexity of the film. The ballsy rape scene that was so controversial because it seems like the female protagonists is actually enjoying her rape....yikes.  It's gutsy, gritty, violent (especially for it's time) and makes you question your own morals, and seriously, it's the only time Dustin Hoffman is ever sexy, cause when he goes ape shit....damn, Mrs. Robinson!
BUT NOW! Now, we're getting a remake with Cyclops, the dopey actress, Kate Boswell with her freakish two tone eyeballs, and Eric the vampire from True Blood (Alexander Sarsgarrd). There's no shock value to this, especially with the torture porn genre so generously spoon fed to us every Halloween. (Saw, Hostel, Rob Zombie). Those types of movies owe a little of be of gratitude to Peckinpah...in the ways of LEAVE WHAT'S GOOD ALONE! Let the classics stay classic.
Speaking of classics....
When I'm having a for-real sick day, my two movies of choice are Jurassic Park and Teen Wolf. Yes,  the Michael J. Fox funky almost to the point of uncomfortable werewolf yarn. (Don't forget Teen Wolf Too (yes Too, not Two) with Jason Bateman!)   Such a perfect nick in the canon of 1980's movies, where high doses of pot, cocaine, and meth, resulted in Hollywood spewing out such gems as Legend, Howard the Duck, and Beastmaster...just to name a few.
The films of the 1980s would make for a very interesting thesis....
Now, Teen Wolf...it's just one of those things from one's particular generation, something once remembered and is laughed over and perhaps viewed for free on netflix while reminiscing about the good old days when Marty McFly didn't suffer from Parkinson's and one wasn't concerned about getting ringworm from a sweaty hairy beast in basketball shorts.... (and honestly, was there hair EVERYWHERE? Like...you know...)


And now thanks to the Twilight generation, MTV has made Teen Wolf into a tv show-feeding off those young hormone riddled girls who think hairy men with sharp teeth and twelve packs are sexy. They are, kinda. The premise is like a Twilight movie, and the fun, sappy, silliness of the original Teen Wolf is stripped away. The morals of "be yourself" one can learn from Teen Wolf (yes, there are lessons! This was the After School Special era afterall!) are vanquished and instead we have this boy who looks uncanny like Jacob from Twilight running around with his pants off and panting for his lady.  Ugh..

What's next? Wizard of Oz staring Kristen Steward as Dorothy? Nicolas Cage as the Lion? (he needs the money)
How about Citizen Kane, deemed the greatest film ever made. (And it is....don't argue, especially you, Star War fans)  Let Judd Apatow take a swing at it.  Maybe they'll make Rosebud a call girl instead of a sled. (Oh my god, you haven't seen it yet??) Seth Rogan can be Kane.....
Or better yet, Paul Giamatti.....then perhaps I have some heavy reconsideration to struggle with.

 On a side note:  For the 1 + 1 readers,  2 new chapters from Cinders and Fathers and Daughters is back up.

As in keeping with my promise and hopeful quest, a new chapter of Cinders is up. (That makes three)
The current characters introduced are as follows: Makalia Adams, Sean Hayer, and Skylar Pruce.

There's a word for people like me....

Well, clearly, someone is not willing to be seriously dedicated to keeping up with her blog...shame on me.
For sure.
There is much I wish to touch upon, but the serious itch to continue writing one of my many writing projects is awfully distracting, so a real post will have to wait. BUT! To make up for a five day hiatus, I have published not one...but TWO pieces of TWO of the projects I am currently working on. Huzzah!,
The first is a horror/zombie (yes, zombie, muahaha) project temporarily entitled Fathers & Daughters that I am writing for a friendly encouraging contest my roller derby friend (and one amazing spectacular coach), Major and I are having. We're challenging each other to write a story in the horror genre and meet the due date we have each and every month. Last month was our first and was mildly successful, although, like usual, I got way too excited and just wrote, wrote, wrote. And yes, the spelling, and grammar errors are plentiful! I refuse to do any of that till the second draft. So, if you, dear follower of the tirades, are reading, please pay no mind to those errors, even if they do bug you. Obviously, if such errors are bothering you, I am not doing my job in telling a good story.

I love to write, I simply find it the greatest joy -stress relief-escape-release ever. I could sit and write all day if society (and my moth riddled wallet) would let me. I would close my woman-cave door, light the beach sand scented Yankee Candle and just go at it for hours, developing stories and characters that I never thought could exist. I love creating outlines-where this character is going, what they're doing..what their fate may be.  I have dozens of pictures ripped from magazines to help describe characters. I feel smart and clever when I write. It's such a happy feeling.
I have already written a 365 page young adult novel.  I have let a few people read it and then in a moment of clarity, I chucked the whole thing in the trash and started from scratch. (Inspired much to my lovely friend, Coventry's excellent critiques...throwing it away was a good thing!) Now it's again rising in page number and it's exciting to watch my monster grow.

So, Fathers & Daughters is posted and also two "snippets" of another of my young adult projects, entitled "Cinders".  Each chapter is a different character and their perspective on the post-apocalyptic events occurring around them. So, my hope with this one is to post a new chapter every day. Now I have about 150 pages of this completed, so that gives me plenty of time to continue writing the story without pressure of having a new chapter so quickly...but I would love feedback. Writing is the one art form I love, love, love criticism on. How the hell am I to get better?

Oh, and this totally turned into a post! Huzzah! I win! Panda paw to the roof!

Listening: "Hello Seattle" Owl City
Writing: Untitled Young Adult fiction
Weight Watchers Points left for the day: geeshh....2

Reading is sexy...

Summer is here! Thank the Gods! Goddesses! Rodney King!
I love summer. I love summer nights and now that Sancho Paige and I have a beautiful house "The Louie" and a backyard complete with a firepit, it's going to a most excellent one indeed.
Every summer I try to get through my share of books, compiling my own summer reading list. 
Last summer I was quite ambitious and got through a nice chunk of those I set out to read.

Jill's 2010 Summer reading list....
The Hour I First Believed - Wally Lamb
Horns - Joe Hill
The Passage- Justin Cronin
Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
Wizard's First Rule - Terry Goodwin
Letters to a Young Poet - Rainer Maria Rilke
Difficult Loves - Italo Calvino
City of Ashes - C. Clare
Ball of Fire: Life of Lucille Ball - Stefan Kanfer
The Dead Tossed Waves - Carrie Ryan
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay -Michael Chabon
Directing for the Stage
The Diaries of Adam and Eve - Mark Twain
All My Sons - Arthur Miller
Dark Desire - Christine Feehan
Dark Prince - Christine Feehan
Linger - Maggie Stefiver
The Brief Second Life of Bree Tanner - Stepheine Meyer
Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
Salomon's Seal - Leigh Bridger
When Venus Fell - Deborah Smith
The Cryptograph - David Mamet
Dragonfly in Amber - Diana Gababon
A Great and Terrible Beauty- Libby Bray
One Day - David Nichols
1602- Neil Gaiman
Next- Michael Crietion

Soo....here we are the summer of 2011 and I'm ready to roll! (and always open for suggestions!)

Jill's most excellent, totally awesome, bogus adventure of reading...dude!
The Reapers are the Angels - Alden Bell
On Writing  - Stephen King
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children - Ransom Riggs
The Town - Chuck Hogan
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay -Michael Chabon
Difficult Loves - Italo Calvino
The Radleys - Matt Haig
The House of Tomorrow - Peter Boganni
Annabelle - Kathleen Winter
Forever - Maggie Stiefvater
Going Bovine - Libba Bray
Masters of Illusions - Mary Ann Tirone Smith
The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Anne of Windy Poplars - L.M. Montgomery
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman

I'm sure there will be more....

Plug your ears....

I wish I could sing, that's one thing I would love to acquire as a talent. My friend Tracy is beyond a triple threat when it comes to theater, my buddie Thayer is a quadruple threat cause he can throw Shakespeare into the mix...damn them both. :)  I can't sing...but when you get a few drinks in me...I'm an all out Toni Braxton, complete with the weaves. Watch out world!
Karaoke. A beautiful artform designed for those like myself who can't sing but can hide behind cheesy DJs named Sir MixThis and Vocal HotShot, all while having my fill of Jolly Rancher martinis.
There's really nothing brilliant or funny I can write about Karaoke because we all can imagine some amazing Karaoke experience, on either end, be it the drunken singer or the horrified-embarrassed-for-you audience.
But I did want to share my top five karaoke tunes. Now, the order they are in embodies the number of drinks it takes for me to sing that particular song.

1 drink.)  The Golden Girls theme song. (It's quick, easy, one pitch, and everyone just nods and smiles, while thinking, "Oh, look at the special ed girl up there singing. Very cute. I loved that show. Are they all dead yet?") It's a quick, painless experience, like combing lice out of one's hair.

2 drinks.) Downeastern Alexa by Billy Joel  I have discovered Billy Joel and I share the same vocal range, even though he is a man, and I am not.  And besides, I know how it is to be a bay man, like my father was before.

3 drinks.) Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkel.  Can't carry the tune too well, but by this time, three martini's in, I'm not really caring and more concerned with getting people to clap along, and pinching as many asses as I can.

4 drinks.)  Piano Man by Billy Joel.  Oh man, four drinks in and I'm flying high, or merely climbing on top of the tables and crooning my heart out to Jake, the bartender all the while fantasizing that the people are waving their lighters and blackberries and singing along, when in reality they are watching in embarrased fear to see if the big boned girl is going to break that small table she's dancing on.

5 drinks.) Don't Cry for Me Argentina from Evita  I honestly have yet to let my freak flag fly on this one. And for those who know me and my light weighted drinking ways, getting to five drinks for me would be like defeating the Russian from Rocky III. One day, the people will know the truth...that I can rock this, even if I'm on the floor, drunk as a skunk.

Phallic Noses and Sandra Bernhart

I was just driving home from work, (where my friend Tom-Tom, recipient of Teacher of the Year took childlike glee in turning my blog into a well-versed porno...thanks Tom-Tom) and heard a ad for Sandra Bernhard, the popular comedian, coming to CT on her tour and all of the sudden, my heart just stopped...and I froze up, beads of way too early summer heat flowing down my cheeks and my hand gripping the steering wheel in fear.

I had forgotten all about Ms. Bernhard and how, as a young child, I was deathly afraid I would grow up to look like her. 
Random, and awful, I know...but hear me out.  I remember watching Roseanne as girl growing up in Franklin CT, where the peculiar stench of the mushroom farm down the road would have you hallucinating snowstorms in the middle of July, (or if you were the pathetic bookworm like myself and just finished Stephen King's It at the impressionable age of thirteen...you were seeing clowns in your tree house and no, he wasn't going to give you a balloon animal.) Now, Roseanne was a funny and cool lady and I secretly wished that my dad would bring John Goodman home one day with him and say, "Now, Jilly, this is your Uncle John...he's been away all this time, and he's now here to visit. He's brought his tuba." and Uncle John would tell me jokes and his chin fat would wiggle with malicious glee and he'd play his tuba before I went to sleep every night. Ahh, it would have been fantastic!
I liked every family member on Roseanne and I was content with their little lives until....Sandra Bernhard started appearing. I don't even remember what character she played, all I know is that she frightened me and every time she appeared somewhere in the pit of my stomach acid began to churn and the sickly thoughts stretched across my fragile young brain..."You're going to grow up and look just like her!"  The harsh caged bird beak, almost phallic looking nose, it's tip the size and shape of a Christmas bulb. The protruding jawline and sharp cheekbones. Her lips were like two slabs of cardboard, a manic puppet whose words came out with such piss and vinegar. And that voice. I would go to bed sucking on life savers and jolly ranchers, praying my voice would never reach the rust kettle deepness of Bernhard's voice. Now Roseanne could be crude and at times weird, but Sandra as Nancy Bartlett (I just googled that tidbit) was just vulgar and mean. Her beady eyes would glare out from the tube, her face stretched out before me and I would sink back into the couch and just pray...please, please God, I don't want to look like her when I grow up.  How sad a shallow thirteen year old can be when you think about it.

I didn't even consider the facts that Bernhard was at the time an amazing comedian, flexing her funny bone way before Ellen or that poser, Sarah Silverman. She was like a female Lenny Bruce- harsh, crass, and demanding of her audience. She had her own one-woman show that was extremely successful and was in a Martin Scorese film (The King of Comedy). And she was cool, advocating for gay rights and equality during a time where my small-minded self was taping pictures of Jim Carrey to her ceiling and sucking life-savers in the comforts of her cocoon of blankets at night. If only I could have looked past this paranoid silliness of thinking I would end up looking like this woman- this brilliant woman- when I had the genes of Italian bulls and French Canadian geese in my blood. No, I was destined to have my father's stout bull-horn calves, and my mother's wide smile.

I guess I grew out of this fear, or maybe it was because Roseanne went off the air and I didn't have to worry about being plagued by Ms. Bernhard every Wednesday night, and I carried on.
In college I took a modern theatre history class and one day the professor put on a DVD of a one-woman broadway show called "I'm Still Here...Damn it."  The female comic was amazing, awesome, her voice seering through a crowd that ate her up with laughter. She was fearless and gorgeous, her plush lips an violent cherry red, her long brunette hair streaked with blonde highlights and justice. I was entranced.  When I discovered that it was Sandra Bernhard, the fear rolled up for a minute then replaced by shame, and finally awe. Sandra Bernhard was cool. And I ....I was trying to be.

I have a phallic shaped nose, well, at least I think I do. It looks like a penis, a small one, perhaps one of a Swiss banker.It curves down over my mouth, the tip shaped like a small Christmas bulb. It's the one physical trait I'm happy that Sandra and I have in common and I don't mind. It's actually quite pleasing.

To Make the best " Movie Collection", all you need is Alan Rickman

Now, my first post: Ahh.. mind you many of these may not be considered prolific or witty or just not even make sense...but neither does Yo Gabba Gabba and look how much money those fuckers make.

I firmly believe you can tell a lot about a person by their movie collection. Now, yes, you're probably taking a pause from reading and running to your shelves, skimming your titles and considering my theory, be it correct or not...(it's actually correct, you just don't want to admit you have every single season of Gilmore Girls on DVD and your name happens to be Frank). But I think there's some ring of truth to it. Case in point: My beloved fiancee, the Paige: his collection is somewhat modest, paling in comparison with my own, and that's alright. There's no shame in it really. He's not the movie buff I claim to be. But the titles he has collected are noteworthy and sum up his personality. Titles including Repo Man (the Emilio Estezves 70's classic) and Vanishing Point tell that he enjoy the slightly vintage b-flick. I Love you, Alice B. Tolkas and Greg the Bunny displays his sense of humor as quiet, cunning, mature, and witty.  Documentaries like Freakanomics and This American Life conclude that his intelligence expands further than the average Joe. He's selective with his collection and does not collect for the mere consumer approach.  Some people, their personality isn't hard to figure out just with a slight glance at their massive collection.
My good friend Tom-Tom's collection is mostly blood and gore with a slight twinge of perv. There's a few Disney titles thrown in there for good measure for the sake of his four awesome kids, but the guy doesn't mess around. You want Robocop in German? Tom probably has it. Vampire Lesbos from Planet Tantunga? He can probably get it for you, with a wink and a flick of his long Jesus like mane.

You can always sniff out a poser by their movie collection. A person who collects those titles deemed "hip" or "cool" by the New Yorker film critic or ADBusters. A never opened special edition of Y Tu Mama Tambien or a flea market edition of Evil Dead.  They buy movies to make them look cool. Now, I'm not dissing them by any means (well, maybe just a little) but their own personal insecurity lies within their choices of movies to display in their collection. "You have Pollack on DVD, wow...that movie was deep." "Oh my god, the whole My-So-Called Life" series! SO epic!"
No..boo..
It's all about the confidence. Now, I may not have the confidence to wear those tight tight skinny jeans or 9 inch heels but I am not ashamed of the selections in my movie collection. I am proud and quick to defend any and all titles (except, ok, for War of the Worlds, but only because it skips...like all the way through...but then again, Tim Robbins is in it! TIM-SHAWSHANK-ROBBINS! Holla!) I digress...
Yeah I got Titanic in it's sapphire blue clunky box right in between Citizen Kane and La Blanche Notre. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, that's what...because I can tell you why each of those movies have value in a collection of mine, yes, even Titanic.
Manic would be describe my collection and for good reasons. I covet my copy of Peckinpaw's Straw Dogs like a grandmother holds her last crust of Depression bread. I cherish Ella Enchanted and wait with naughty gleeful anticipation  for Paige to leave so I can have myself a little John Hughes marathon that always includes Some Kind of Wonderful. And yes, yes I do have the whole Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman series. All eight seasons and two made for tv movies...I'm not ashamed. It's a damn feminist history lesson with some hot ass dude throwing a tomahawk every episode. It fulfills my romantic fix.
I have my classics: Akira, Hitchcock, Spielberg, Welles,  because they're classics through and through. I have my Wes Andersons because he's the coolest thing since sliced bread and his movies are so original they can make you weep. And I have my shrine to Paul Giamatti because he is the Everyman and the Everyman makes some pretty awesome movies. Yes, there are impulse buys among the lot..BUT I am not ashamed and can justify.  Die Hard...please, Alan Rickman kicks ass and Bruce Willis was cool..and it's the best "real" sick day movie. Muppets Treasure Island...my kids needs something to love. Possession:  The little artsy Sarah-Michele Gellar 2009 horror flick? Never seen it? Well it makes for a great conversation piece.

Now for any one who knows me and knows me well, they know my favorite movie (not among what I consider to be the BEST movies)  is Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Now, to reinstate my point, I shouldn't have to explain why, although you're probably thinking of Bryan Adam's ballad and Kevin Costner's pseudo-English accent  and cringing, perhaps even chuckling.
But here in lies my explanation: That movie has everything. Action, adventure, romance, tragedy, comedy, a excellent story, and yeah, Alan-Fucking-Rickman is even in there...with possibliy one of the best lines of dialouge.
"Why a spoon cousin?" The Sheriff asks him.
"Cause it's dull twit, it will hurt more."  Nothing says bad ass than a spoon yielded as a weapon.

No, it's not the greatest movie, nor is it probably a great movie by standards...although by today's standards, it's fantastic because let's face it, today's film industry (unless you live in India or Iceland) is hurting. But it's my movie: it's my personality wrapped up firmly in a little salsa sock inside a burrito.  Yes, I like the adventure, the action, the romance. I can be dramatic and want to carve people's hearts out with spoons.  The comedy is blunt and at times brass like I can be. I'm no wit like the Paige and love a good fart joke when I hear it. And I'm ok with it. Because it's my favorite movie and it's my movie collection.

What do you think? Does your movie collection describe you somewhat?

I want to be Cool-lio

Well, not really. No I don't want to be Coolio but I do like the idea of having my own blog. Was inspired by my good friend, Karyn's, sister. She has a very nice blog and I got to thinking, I'm always wanting to speak my little mind or place a random "top ten" list up or even have a story or two to share with what ever audience this may attract.
So, no I don't want to be Coolio when I'm just little olde me: roller derby maniac, insomniac, fantasy novelist, fantastic daydreamer, self-proclaimed film connoisseur, cupcake queen: A Jill of all Trades, mind you and this is where I shall proclaim my ever witty tirades! whaha! The challenge I present to myself is making it last...and at least a tad interesting.

So, Coolio, eat your heart out....I'm my own freaking island of awesome. Word. Gangsta.

Listening to: "Hey Jude" by The Beatles
Current writing project: "Medusa's Daughter's", a children's play, and "Fathers & Daughters" a horror/zombie fiction.
Current weight watcher points left over: Like 5...I think.